Maybe I'll write a book on proper office decorum...

I try to be professional at work - really I do. Today I was sitting at my desk sipping a one-shot non-fat vente caramel macchiato while on the phone with one of the physicians. He was talking so I took the opportunity to have a little sip. Suddenly that invisible hole in my bottom lip opened wide and a bunch of coffee jumped out of my mouth and landed on my top. Oh, except for that portion of it that actually went inside my top and landed in my bra! Oh, yes. It wasn't terribly hot by that time, but oh so sticky. While continuing to carry on the conversation with all the appropriate "Uh, huhs" and "I understands" and "why yes that's corrects", I started blotting my shirt with a napkin left over from lunch. Did I mention that we have those environmentally friendly napkins that are brown and made out of weeds or something? You know the type that shred on impact? And did I mention that my top was black?

Luckily I have a cordless headset so I could take care of business while continuing on with the conversation. So the next step was to blot the crap that went inside my top. That involved sticking my hand into my bra to mop up. Doing it quickly and hoping no one came in my office door while mid-blot. I was in no mood to explain.

After the phone call I went to the ladies room, waited until the coast was clear, and got a really wet paper towel and proceeded to de-stick myself. Good grief.

I've had other fun experiences at work.

• In the cafeteria, opened a plastic bottle of orange juice, dropped the bottle which landed on it's bottom thereby shooting the orange juice out of the bottle in a perfect arc that landed in my right shoe. Sloshed my way to the cash register, paid for what was left in the bottle, then sloshed my way to the ladies room to wash out my shoe. Oh, yes, and I had to put my foot on the counter top (I was much younger back then) so I could wash the orange juice off my nylons.
  
• When I was about 21, I had this bright yellow T-shirt style dress that I really loved. Sitting at work one day, I decided to put some lipstick on. Opened the tube and promptly dropped it in my lap, lipstick side down. It did a little slide before it landed so there I was with a one-inch red streak in the middle of my cute little yellow dress. It became a cute little yellow T-shirt after that.
  
• There I am in the bathroom. Start to pull up my nylons and my wrist bracelet gets caught in the nylons at about ankle level. So I sit there all hunched over wondering what to do. Take off the bracelet and just let it dangle from my ankle the rest of the day? Pull it off the nylons and risk having a huge hole about ankle level. I mean, I couldn't even straighten up! I started laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing was and somehow the bracelet came unhinged. And, no, this wasn't the same day I cleverly went to the bathroom and decided to touch up my nail polish while I was sitting there. Never once thinking about being in that position with wet nails!
  
• Another time when I was in my early 30's and a totally cool single mon (at least in MY mind) who could multitask with the best of them., I went to lunch at Jack-in-the-Box for their Chicken Supreme sandwich. Of course I can eat and drive! I am woman! Took the first bite and a majority of the insides and the "special" sauce fell onto my new white blouse that I had just recently purchased for much more money than I could afford. Now, not only did I not have lunch, but I had to race home to change, and throw away my expensive, only-worn-once blouse.

As for this morning's adventure, I'm just glad we don't have video phones!