Seriously! It's 2014?!?

Hard to believe.  It seems like only yesterday we were all sweating Y2K.  What a bust that turned out to be.   Now it's 2014 - 13 years later than the movie 2001 and we still haven't made it to Jupiter.  But we do have Google Glass, iPads, and a few self-driving cars so it's not all bad.

I remember when I was young and how difficult it always was to write the new year on school papers, checks, work documents, etc.  It would take a few weeks to write the new year comfortably.  Now it takes a minute or two!  I had this discussion with my son one day and we decided that as you get older, each year is a smaller percentage of your life as a whole.  So, while at the age of 10 a year may seem like an eternity, by the time you're 40 or 50 each year seems much shorter.

At this point my son looked at me and said, "Wow!  At your age a year must feel like the amount of time it takes to take a shower!"  Did I mention that he was a punk?  But, on some level, he's right.  The years are flying by.  When I hear about something that happened in the early 90's I think "yesterday" when it's actually 20 years ago.

I think I'll write 2013 on a few checks or letters this week just to make myself feel better.

Happy Birthday to you, dear Eddie........

Monday was Flay Day. It was also my husband, Ed's, birthday! I can't tell you how old he is because he's not happy about the number getting bigger each year. Senior discounts be damned! But since I'm a year older than him (yes, I'm a cradle robber), I can tease him about his advancing age with no remorse.

We gave each other nice parties for our 60th birthdays, but now we keep them low key. A few calls and maybe gifts from the kids and other family members and that's about it. Which is a good thing. I even finally got him to agree that we don't need to buy each other presents for our birthdays - that took about 6 years to convince him of that! I mean, we have pretty much everything we need and I'd rather we spend the money on a nice dinner out or a trip somewhere.

Ed and I met in late 1999 so this is our 11th year of celebrating birthdays together. We've gone through so much in our short time as a couple - the death of three parents, the addition of 11 grandkids to the family, the weddings of three of our kids. Not to mention numerous trips to various places - we're great travel buddies! Sometimes we talk about all those special times in our past that we wish we had been able to share with each other. But we've had 11 great years and plan on living until we're at least 90!

So Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband. And here's to many more years together traveling, enjoying our family, and sharing our lives. I love you.

Like taking a shower

My blog friend, ba, did a post on events of the past 10 years and I am going to shamelessly copy her idea! It's amazing how fast time goes the older you get. As my son once said, "When you're 10, a year is a 10th of your life and seems like a long time. By the time a person is your age, Mom, a year is like taking a shower!!" Yes, he's a brat.

I'm going to start this decade with 1999 because it was a special year.

1999

• Biggest event of this year occured on October 5th when I met Ed. At a Starbucks after initially meeting on Match.com. Had no idea while drinking that cup of coffee how my life was about to change!
• Y2K - bought the water and batteries and first aid kit. What a bust!

2000

• Jenni and Jeff bought their house
  
• Ed takes me on my first trip to Hawaii
  
• My dad came to visit in June on his birthday and we took him to an Oakland A's game. Wished him Happy Birthday on the marquee and he loved it
• Moved from Sunnyvale to Newark and in with Ed in July
• Ed and I had our first Christmas with the blended family. Only two grandsons on Ed's side (from his middle son, Michael) at this time.

2001

• Ed's youngest son, Marc, has his first little boy, Cameron
  
• Although we didn't know her yet, Vika was born in Russia
  
• Jenni and Jeff get engaged
• Ed and I get engaged
• We discovered that the world is nothing like it was in the movie 2001!

2002

• The year of the weddings - Jenni and Jeff, me and Ed
• When Jenni and Jeff get married, we gain a granddaughter - Ali
• My dad turns 80 and we have a big party for him in Chicago
• Although we didn't know him, Eamon was born in Russia
• Had surprise 50th anniversary party for Ed's parents
• Took Ed's grandsons, Damian and Ethan, on their first visit to Disneyland
  

2003

• Marc's second son, Shane, was born
• Two of our sons - Marc and Joe - buy their first homes
• My dad moves back to Chicago beginning our quarterly visits to see him
• Reconnect with my best friend from the past, Babette!
  

2004

• Jenni and Jeff begin the long process of their Russian adoption
• Ed's daughter, Wendy, met Mike who would become her husband
• My son, Joe, begins dating Angie who will become his wife
  
• Ed and I take our first trip to Italy - and a love affair was born!
  

2005

• Vika and Eamon join our family on Christmas Eve - best gift ever!
• Took 15 family members to see Lion King in San Francisco
  

2006

• Wendy and Michael get married - we inherit another granddaughter, Cachet
• Second trip to Italy
• Sandi turns 60!!
  

2007

• The year of losing parents
• Ed's mom passes away in January
• My father passes away in October
• Joe and Angie get married in May. Add two more grandsons to the family - McKayle and Spencer
• Ed turns 60!!
• My kids join us for a few days in Tucson where we all take a "walk down memory lane"
  

2008

• Ed's father passes away in January. We're both now officially orphans
• I retired from Stanford Hospital after 20 years. Yippee!!!
  
• Another trip to Italy, plus Austria and a day in London
• After another trip to Tucson, Ed and I decide we could easily retire there
  
• Trip to New York City to see it "done up" for Christmas
  

2009

• The year of babies
• My brother, Tony, and his wife, Nicki, have their fourth child in January- a little boy named Alex
• Joe and Angie have a little boy two weeks later - Tyson
• Wendy and Mike have twins in August - we're now up to 13 grandkids
• Ed and I go to Portugal where his family is from

2010

• ??
  

The "Old" People

Earlier this week my good friend in Tucson wrote on her Facebook Status, "I Miss My Old People!!" I knew what she was talking about - her mother passed away in the Summer of 2008, and her stepfather died a month or so ago.

My hairdresser just lost her mother a month ago after a long illness. And over the past week there has been a man walking by our office who looks a lot like Ed's dad. All of these events brought so much back to me.

My mom died over 14 years ago, and between Jan 2007 and Jan 2008 Ed and I lost my father and both of his parents. All of our "old people" are gone, too. My dad was in a nursing home for over 2 years before he died, and Ed's parents both spent eight weeks in the hospital or nursing homes at the end of their lives. For two years our lives consisted of a series of hospital visits, flights to Chicago, nursing home visits, dealing with mounds of paperwork, knots in the stomach every time the phone rang. It was emotionally and physically draining - and I miss it!

I miss having them around. I miss their stories that they told over and over again. I miss being able to take my dad out of the nursing home and to a restaurant for oysters, white wine, and Caesar Salad. And driving him to downtown Chicago so he could see the buildings and the lights. He so loved Chicago. And Scrabble - up to the end it was hard to beat the guy at Scrabble.

I miss having Ed's dad over a couple of times a week for dinner and watching him enjoy our grandkids. And hearing his great phrases like "tall hog at the trough" and "knee deep in high cotton". And his laugh - boy could that man laugh. Mostly it was silent, you would just see his face light up and his belly jiggle.

I miss Ed's mom with her bright red hair and the perpetual kleenex in her hand. And her bright lipstick. I miss her yelling across the room, "Where's Clyde?" anytime her husband dared to stray out of her sight. I miss seeing her in that recliner where she sat for every holiday and dinner at our house. 90% of the photos we have of her are in that recliner!

I miss my mother's laugh and the way she always said, "Hi, Sweetheart!" when I would call her on the phone, and I could hear a smile in her voice. And how we called each other almost daily just to chat - often about nothing in particular. And how she was able to center me with just a few words. She was my best friend so I lost two people when she died.

I even miss all we had to do at the end of their lives because it gave us a chance to give back to them some of what they had given to us. To take care of them. My dad once said to me, "I hate that you have to do all of this for me." I said, "Dad, you took care of me for 20 years, let me enjoy the chance to pay you back a bit."

After all of our "old people" were gone, I made a separate collage for each of them and have them hanging in our hallway. I smile every time I look at them - and I tear up.

Now Ed and I are the "old people" ! I'm not sure I like that much.

Chick? Bird? Fox? Cougar?

There was an annual National Cougar Convention in Palo Alto this week. Since I've always been a little slow on the uptake, I only found out a short time back that a "cougar" was an older woman in a relationship with a younger man. Think Demi Moore.

So does that make me a cougar?!? I mean, Ed is 11 months younger than I am. I remember when being called a "fox" was sort of a good thing. But Cougar?? It just doesn't have the same ring to it.

My first cougar experience was at the ripe old age of 20 when I dated a young man named John who was 19 (thank goodness for proofreading - when I first typed this I put his age at 10!!). He worked in the mail room at my company and he was very cute (back then we called boys "cute" and it was okay). But the age difference actually made me uncomfortable! I mean, I was almost legal and he was still a teenager! Yuck! So that ended after a couple of dates. Especially after he was kissing me goodnight at the front door and my dad opened the door as loudly as possible and said in his best radio DJ voice - "About time you got home!!" Apparently I was a few minutes past curfew (yes, even at 20 I had a curfew). So John became a distant memory.

My mother dated after she and my dad got divorced and the men were always 15-20 years younger than her! But she looked so young and was such an energetic person that she couldn't abide being with a 60-year old man. You have to remember, 25 years ago 60 year old people were winding down. Unlike my generation where we're just gearing up!

Anyway, the older you get the less the age gap matters. So I hear. I would still have a very difficult time "dating" a man who was close to my son's age. Just too awkward for me. Also, I don't think Ed would like it!

Don't Blink

There’s another fairly new song on my country station called “Don’t Blink.” It’s about how fast time goes by and trying to enjoy every moment. One of the lines is, “Don’t blink, just like that you’re six years old and you take a nap. Then you wake up and you’re 25…..” I was talking about this to my son, Joe, the other day. I noted that “back in the day” when the year changed, it would take me much of January to get used to writing the new year on checks, typing on letters, etc. Now that is never a problem! The years fly by so quickly that I never get used to any four digits long enough for it to be a difficult transition.

Joe said he figures that when you’re 10, a year is one-tenth of your life so it seems like a long time. But as you grow older, that changes and he (at the ripe old age of 34) already notices a difference. I said, “Yeah, imaging how it is at 61!!”. He replied, “At your age, a year must feel like about as long as taking a shower.” Did I mention that the kid’s a real smartass?

So I spent some time mulling this over (I like to mull) and thought of times and dates that have been the most significant in my life and have led me to the place I’m in today.

July, 1946 – I was born (Hey, that’s pretty significant)

September, 1958 – I met Ricky Nelson while he was filming Rio Bravo in Tucson. My mom was an extra in the movie and one day she brought me to the lot with her.. OHMIGOD can I even tell you how much in love with him I was. There I was, 12 years old, acne, buck teeth, totally geeky. But I was so sure he’d wait for me. I have a picture of us somewhere and I’ll post it if I can ever find it.

October, 1964 – my brother, Tony, was born. I was 18 and a freshman in college and it was one of the most exciting events of my life. I hovered over him for many years (still do sometimes) and thoroughly enjoyed watching him grow up. He’s always been a close friend.

September, 1973 – my twins were born. I had a great pregnancy until the last couple of weeks, then a very rough emergency C-section and a 16-day hospital stay. But, oh the joy of those two babies. Yes, there were days when their father would come home and find all three of us crying! But I’d go back to the days when they were young in a heartbeat if I could.

May, 1982 – divorced my first husband. And found myself! For the first time in my life I felt independent and strong. And I so loved being a single mom. The kids and I had some wonderful bonding moments during the next few years.

February, 1987 – married husband #2 (BIG MISTAKE) and moved to California. The whole first year here I mostly cried. Bad marriage, moved away from my family. But it all passed eventually and now we’ve been here over 20 years. Don’t know if it will ever feel like home, but it’s where I am and probably where I’ll stay since my kids both still live here.

March 1996 – Divorced #2 (pun intended). What a friggin’ relief that was! Spent the next few years having more fun and seeing more of the Bay Area than I had in the previous 10 years. It was truly a fun time.

October, 1999 – met Ed through Match.com and realized I finally found someone with the same values as mine and whose family was as important to him as mine is to me.

December, 2005 – my daughter returned from Russia with her kids, my new grandchildren. I always looked forward to being a grandmother and knew I’d love them. What I didn’t expect is the totally engulfing emotions and love – very different than what you feel for your own children, but equally as strong and all-consuming.

January, 2008 – This date hasn’t arrived yet, but it’s the next big milestone – retirement. Then Phase 3 of my life can get into high gear!

And I’m definitely cutting down on my blinking……

Tucson

This past weekend my kids and I, along with their families, (and, of course, Gnorbert the Gnome) visited Tucson. The three of us haven't been back there together in at least four years so it was a special trip. In spite of the "ohmigod" heat, we had a great time. All 10 of us stayed in a 2 bedroom condo close to the foothills. We took walks in the desert and also managed to hit a couple of Tucson tourist attractions like the Arizona Sonora Desert Museum, Saguaro National Monument, and Pinnacle Peak Restaurant in Trail Dust Town. One of the highlights of the vacation was our "trip down memory lane" as my kids called it. They wanted to show their spouses and kids where they grew up.

The first stop was the house my ex-husband and I bought two years before the kids were born, and where we lived until they were one year old. Of course, the kids don't remember it, but I sure do. How excited we were with our first house! Planning the landscaping, the rock wall and fountain we built in the back, our Palo Verde tree. So many memories of the kids crawling around in that kitchen, playing on the front porch, looking out the front window. The house where you have your babies is always a special place. We bought the house in the early 70's and hung beads in the front arch windows. Those beads are still there! 35 years later! The current owner was on the front porch so I decided to go up and let him know why these three carloads of people were stopping in front of his house. He said, "Are you Sandi?" I was a bit shocked that he knew my name, but it turns out that he is the man who bought the house from us. He even took a picture of me in front of the house to show his wife.

The sad thing is that the place was a shambles. Front yard overgrown, dead plants everywhere, an old car up on blocks in the side yard. In fact the whole street looked so tired and neglected.

Our next stop was the apartment complex where the kids and I lived for many years. Again, the place is so run down and there is now a wall along the whole front. But we did managed to walk through Ft. Lowell Park which was across the street and show everyone where my kids used to have a fort, and some of the places they hung out (most of these I didn't know about and that's probably a good thing!).

There were so many memories brought to life through the weekend. Stores where I used to shop, the area where my mom lived, my schools and my kids' schools, familiar streets, and streets that were no longer familiar, our favorite restaurants.

On Saturday night we had a wonderfully fun dinner with the whole family - aunts, cousins, siblings, grandkids - practically everyone who is left in Tucson. Being with my family has always been important to me and these types of events are few and far between.

But leaving Tucson on Monday I felt a great sadness - my history was there, some of the happiest years of my life were there, but my mom and dad aren't there anymore, my brother is in Chicago, my grandparents are gone. So much has changed. So much time has gone by. I feel like a visitor who barely knows her way around. It's home, but doesn't really feel like home anymore. I felt like I was in a limbo state - between my old life and my current one. How I wish I could go back to the days when Tucson was a quiet Western town - like it was when I was a kid, only go back as an adult to be able to really appreciate it. To truly enjoy my grandparents and appreciate the stories they had to tell. How I wish I could spend one more day with my Mom just hanging out or shopping. We always laughed so much when we were together and she kept me centered.

But I can't. Those days are gone. It seems like every time I go back there the "old days" are more faded and harder to grasp. And at times I want so desperately to be able to grab them and hold on for just a little while. I guess that's all part of getting older - the feeling that you want to go back in time and just be able to bask in the feelings and the people that are no longer here.

We're all home now and soon these feelings of being a little displaced will also fade. And someday my kids and grandkids will look back on these days as the "good old days" they wish they could recapture!

I am officially old!

I had to buy a pill cutter....

The only person I ever knew with a pill cutter was my grandfather. The drug store sells them with the denture creams, hemmoroid lotions, and the stuff that turns gray hair a slight shade of blue.

When my back started hurting and the doctor told me it was due to "minor, expected changes", I accepted that. The high blood pressure pills - yeah, I went along with that, too. Hot flashes - love 'em. Daily mail from AARP - better than bills. But now I have to cut my pills. Next thing I'll be having the calendar on the bathroom counter where I can check off what pills I took today - in case I forget something! My grandfather had that, too.

Oh, well. Time marches on. Guess there's no sense in complaining about it. Think I'll just go dye my hair blue and be done with it.

A Big Box of Crayons

Tomorrow my husband is having an angiogram and possibly an angioplasty. He's scared. And, even though I know this is a fairly common and routine procedure, I'm a bit anxious about it, too. After all, it is his heart!!

We had the consultation today and the physician has to tell you all the risks and benefits, but it's a list one would rather not hear! Ed was really stressed after all that.

I've never really minded getting older - in fact I've been enjoying it. There is a sense of freedom in not needing to climb the corporate ladder, having new priorities that allow you to actually enjoy the little things, being focused on a future where you will finally be able to do all those things you've wanted to do - but had to go to work instead!! Yes, the physical appearance goes a bit South, yes there are hot flashes, back problems, and high blood pressure. But all in all it's pretty cool. When I turned 50 I felt that my future was a giant blank flip chart and I had a box of 15o Crayons - including my favorites - Burnt Siena and Raw Umber!! I could pretty much draw what I wanted. And draw I did. I met Ed, wound up with a huge extended family, saw my daughter get married and my son engaged, and became a grandmother!! Now we're looking forward to retirement, traveling, and more grandkids.

My husband has never shared my feelings about getting older - he hates it! So the fact that he now has health issues is very difficult for him to deal with. He knows we're all here supporting him, and I'm sure once this procedure is done he'll feel much better both phyically and emotionally. But I want so much for him to share in my enthusiasm for this stage of our lives. Maybe this procedure will help him re-arrange priorities and view each day as a gift to enjoy as much as possible.

Wish us luck!!

Eh?!?!

You know you're getting old when you receive a letter, with a coupon for a free hearing test, that states:

"You have received this invitation today because you best represent the segment of the population which is most likely to experience hearing loss in the near future....." !!!!!!!!

What a lovely thing to find after a hard day at work! This is right up there with the letter I received from my physician after I went in for some back pain. That one referred to my back pain and loss of some flexibility as "expected minor changes......" !!!!!

Hold on! I didn't expect it! In my mind I'm still 35!!!

Huh? Whadya say?!?!