No thank you!

My brother lives in Chicago.  The high temperature today is projected to be -11!  I talked with him briefly yesterday - he was taking his son to a hockey game and had just gotten a flat tire.  So there he was waiting for AAA in 15 degree weather.  On Saturday he sent me a photo of a portion of their roof with 2ft icicles hanging from it.  Beautiful - but only at a distance.  He and his wife had to go to work today.

Being a Californian who was raised in Arizona I can't even begin to imagine how cold -11 is (wind chill of -30ish).   When I lived in Tucson, we would watch the weather "back east" (which is what we called Chicago and the mid-west) or on the east coast.  Whenever they had a particularly brutal winter, we knew to prepare for the influx of new residents who were done with the cold.

So my guess is this Spring and Summer Tucson will see a rise in population.  I mean, enough is enough!  At least it might help the property prices rise which would be good.  But for all those people living through that horrific weather, here's hoping you warm up soon!

Our first 10 years

Over the past week there have been a lot of newspaper, magazine and internet articles about world events that have occurred since this millennium began. You know - dot-com bust, banking fiasco, recession, elections, blah, blah, blah. But that made me think about all the events that have happened in our lives in the last 10 years.

Ed and I met in late 1999 so our "story" really began in 2000. Since that time there have been four weddings - my daughter, Ed's daughter, my son, and, of course, me and Ed!

Of our 13 grandchildren, 7 were born the past 10 years including a set of twins, and 2 amazing kids born in a village on the northern border of Russia where they lived for four years before finally coming home to us on Christmas Eve 2005.




We lost people, too. From January 2007 through January 2008 we lost three parents - Ed's mom and dad, and my dad. Those were difficult times but we had them around long enough to celebrate that.

Then, last year, we both found new "old people" in our families! For me, I met an Aunt Mary in France who will be 101 in February! She remembers my grandfather when he was a teenager. And on Ed's side we found Aunt Stella who turned 97 last August.


Oh, and my brother added two kids to his family during the last 10 years, also! He is now the father of four!!

And I was finally able to retire and say goodbye to the corporate world!! Yippee!!!

Neither Ed nor I had ever been out of the country (except for Canada and Mexico) until we took our first trip to Italy in 2004. Now, thanks to timeshares and airlines miles, we've been lucky enough to go to Europe 5 times!


All in all it's been quite an eventful 10 years. Can hardly wait to see what the next 10 will bring!

Our first Skype Christmas

Although I know a lot of people who use Skype, I wasn't one of them. Until Christmas Eve. Ed's daughter, Wendy, now lives in Denver with her 1- 1/2 year old twins and this was the first Christmas she wouldn't be with us. So she and I cooked up a plan to surprise her mom and dad with a Skype visit on Christmas Eve. Yes, her mother spends the holidays with us!

On Wednesday I sent an email to Wendy with the suggestion and she was all for it. She downloaded Skype on her laptop and I tried to do the same on Thursday. Alas, Skype was having some sort of outage and I couldn't get signed up or logged in. Finally I did and, since Ed was going to be out of the house Friday morning, Wendy and I set up a time to practice. We called each other and signed in to our Skype accounts. She could see me, but I couldn't see her. So we logged off, logged on, called, etc. for several minutes but nothing. I had to go to an appointment so we decided to try again later. I was afraid Ed would be home by that time and the surprise would be ruined for him, but we had no choice.

After my appointment I tried to find someone with Skype so I could try again and be sure it wasn't a problem on my end. I called my son - he was just heading out the door. He gave me the name of his sister-in-law who was at the airport waiting to go home to New Orleans. I called her to see if she had any ideas, but her camera issues were minor so she gave me the name of a friend of hers. Who wasn't home! Then I remembered my friend in Tucson had Skype so I called her and she was home. We signed in and could see each other! So we had a fun chat and then Ed walked in so I hung up quickly.

Rats! I really wanted to surprise him but Wendy wasn't home so I was stuck. Then he told me he had to go to Home Depot. Now usually when he goes out on holidays when we have a ton of people coming over and a lot of work to do I'm not happy. So he told me with caution in his voice. But this time I was thrilled that he was leaving! (He told me later he thought that was pretty strange). As soon as I heard the garage door close I called Wendy and told her we had about 30 minutes. She had just gotten home so she plopped the babies in their high chairs and logged on. This time it worked! We had a nice chat, she showed me her Christmas decorations and we set up 5:00pm call time for that night.

My laptop is on the kitchen counter and we usually put it on my desk when we have a crowd over. Ed started to move it and I practically yelled "Leave it there!!" He gently put it down and backed out of the kitchen. At 5pm I called Wendy and she wanted me to log in out of sight of her parents so we could be sure things worked. So I had to sneak in the kitchen while everyone was talking, take the laptop, and duck into the office. I did and we got all set up.

Then I took the laptop back into the kitchen and said, "Hey, guys, someone is here to see you!" They turned around and there was Wendy and her twins on the laptop! At first they thought it was a video Wendy had sent, but soon realized that they were talking with her and seeing her real time. And the tears flowed. Ed and Linda (Wendy's mom) couldn't talk much at first because they were crying. But eventually we all took turns standing in front of the computer and saying hi. Wendy took up around her house to see the Christmas decorations. At one point her son scurried up the stairs so she put her computer down to go get him. And we could watch the whole thing. Very cool.

On Christmas Day Ed and I Skyped Wendy again so we could talk with her without the whole gang around. Of course, there were more tears. Then I Skyped my brother in Chicago and got to wish him and his whole family a Merry Christmas in person! He Skyped us back a little later when they were at the dinner table and then he held the laptop close to his face and turned in a circle singing "The Circle of Life". Yes, I have a weird family. But it was really awesome.

So now we have a new toy. Ed is on the hunt for a good webcam for his desktop computer. And the world has shrunk again. That is a very good thing.

Another myth destroyed

I know what I'm going to say goes against common logic, but not all Italians are good cooks!!

My maternal grandfather, Papa Jim, was a true, old Italian cook with heavy sauces (gravy!), meats cooked until they fell off the bone, homemade pasta (macaroni to us), red wine. OK, there was about 1/4 inch of oil sitting on top of his sauce, but we could spoon that off. The taste was incredible.

Nani Gene, my grandmother, was another story. She had an amazing talent for taking the simplest recipe and destroying it! Two examples come to mind. One when I was about 11. We were having a family dinner at my grandparents house and Nani Gene had made a custard (at least we think that's what it was supposed to be) pie. When dinner was over, they asked me to go into the kitchen and get the pie. Nani Gene had already cut it into nice little wedges so all I had to do was carry it about 10 feet. Alas, being the graceful damsel I have always been, I tripped in the kitchen and the pie went toppling - little custard wedges bouncing around the floor. I panicked and quickly begin gathering up the pieces. Oddly, none of them even had a dent in them so I arranged them back into the pie tin and carried it (slowly this time) to the table. No one knew until several years later when I "fessed up" at another family dinner.

Later, as an adult, I was invited to my grandmother's house for dinner one night. She was going to serve Beef Stroganoff (a true Italian specialty!!). When I got there, she mentioned in passing that she discovered she didn't have the right kind of beef in the freezer so she used neck bones! Now, I don't know about your families but for some reason neck bones were big in mine. Must have been one of those "I grew up in the Depression" things. But I have vivid memories of my mother, aunt, and grandmother gnawing away on those dang neckbones at family functions. Disgusting. Anyway, back to dinner. which turned out to be a lovely "Bones and Rice" covered with Cream of Mushroom Soup. Yup, them's good eatin' !

My mother was an incredible cook. A lot of very Italian items, plus she would create her own great recipes. Of course, nothing was written down - just a pinch of this and a handful of that. She was the type of person who could create a wonderful meal at the drop of a hat with just what was around the house. Wish I had that gift!

Her sister, my aunt, definitely took after Nani Gene. Well, she did make a few things really well. But she had this obsession with germs and felt that cooking things A LOT would kill all of the germs! So much of what she made was overcooked and dry. Also, another post-Depression thing (I think) was not wasting even one kernel of corn. So when she would make a casserole, it would not only be dry and overcooked, but it would have a little bit of everything in it which is not always a good thing.

But the most famous (infamous?) thing my aunt did was one Thanksgiving. My cousin was visiting his mom for the holiday and when we went to get some candied yams, he noticed brown spots. He asked her what that was and she said brightly, "Those are Hershey's Kisses!" Ken said, "Mom, why did you put Hershey's Kisses in the yams?" She informed him that it was his favorite and that she always did that for him. Um, no. Not the case. So, from that holiday forward, they gave her a break and didn't let her cook anymore.

Well, time to go start dinner. Wonder if they still sell neckbones?!?

Let's hear it for longevity!

I love having really old relatives! That means I might make it to a nice old age.

Earlier this year Ed and I met an aunt of mine in France who had just turned 100! She was getting a little forgetful (that is a lot of years to remember, after all), but still lived alone with some help and was doing great!


This past week Ed, his older sister (who just turned 82!) and I met Ed's last remaining aunt who just turned 97! Her name is Stella, she lives alone in a condo she bought in 1975, and she's quite amazing. Has a young woman who comes in twice a day to help her with meds and meals, but other than that she gets by all by herself. Still reads voraciously - in fact she had just gone to the library and picked up about 8 new books! Recently she and the caretaker took a trip to Sausalito to visit one of her "girlfriends" who had her 93rd birthday.

As we were driving there we were wondering if she would remember Ed, if she would be very coherent, etc. We walked into her condo and there she was, sitting in the chair with this yellow 2-piece outfit on and a big smile on her face. I would not have guessed she was more than 80 at the most! We spent 2 hours with her going through old family photos and talking about "back in the day." In fact, she pulled out her boxes of photos so we could take whatever we wanted. She has no children and doesn't want things to just be thrown away when she dies. So we found some great photos of Ed's father as a young man and many other treasurers. I'll be on another scanning frenzy soon.

She told us some fun stories about Ed's grandmother and great-grandmother. Some interesting stuff about her own life. And she told us about her husband, Elmer, who passed away four years ago. She's lonely - no kids and most of her friends are gone now. And how she's ready to join him.

All in all, a very touching and wonderful visit. And inspiring. We're so glad we connected with her and plan to visit her again.

Do you know this man??

As you know, my Aunt Mary passed away at the beginning of June. The family is having a memorial service in Tucson this weekend and my daughter, Jenni, said she would do a video for them to show at the service. Jenni does an incredible job with these videos - she's made several of them for memorials and birthdays and special occasions. This one had three parts - my aunt growing up, my aunt and uncle together, and the last section called "a la famiglia" which had a lot of old family photos of grandparents, cousins, etc. I keep telling her she should market herself, but, alas.....

Anyway, back to the story. My cousin found a lot of old family photos while he was going through his mom's things. He had them scanned and sent us a dvd for the video. I went through the photos before I gave them to Jenni and added several of my own. One of the photos Ken had sent was of an old man -looked like an old Italian fisherman.

When Jenni was going through the photos, she called me to ask who the old man was. I said I wasn't sure, but I thought (and assumed) it was Ken's grandfather. He had died when Ken and I were only 2 or 3 so I hadn't seen pictures of him. But his face looked similar to my uncle so it was a safe bet. Besides, Ken put it on his dvd so it had to be a relative!

Jenni finished the dvd, we watched it (and cried) and then I sent it to Ken. He called me the other night after he watched and I could tell that it had gotten to him, too. Through a stuffy nose he told me how much he loved it, how he had forgotten how beautiful his mom, my mon (they were sisters) and my grandmother were. We laughed about some of the photos of he and I as kids with our moms. Then we had this conversation:

Ken: Sandi, who is that old guy in the "a la famiglia" portion of the dvd?

Me: That's your grandfather, isn't it?

Ken: No, I don't think so. All the photos of Grandpa Frank I've seen he was dressed in a suit. He died when I was little so I don't remember him, but I don't think he looked like that.

Me: Well, Ken, you had that photo on the dvd you sent us so we assumed it was your grandfather.

Ken: Hmm, wonder where that came from. I don't remember seeing it or scanning it. Where did you get it??

Me: Oh, for pete's sake, you sent it to us! See if anyone at the memorial or any of your relatives from Chicago recognize him. Since family always seem to come out of the woodwork at Italian weddings, he may have just been a passerby who had his photo taken! But why would your mom have the photo in her album?

Ken: Heck if I know. Oh, well, he looks like family so we'll just keep quiet about it.

So, if you know who this man is, let me know! Hey, maybe it's one of ba's relatives!

Sometimes there are tears

Ed and I went to dinner tonight at an Italian restaurant where they were playing old Dean Martin songs. One of them brought back a flood of memories of my childhood and suddenly I missed my family so much. My grandparents, my mom and dad, my aunt and uncle. Mom and Aunt Mary were sisters and my dad and Uncle Joey had know them since they were all kids. They grew up together, got married two years apart, and my cousin and I were born 2 months apart (first wave of Baby Boomers).

Most of my childhood is filled with memories of the four of them being together. They knew each others families and grew up in the same neighborhood. Their histories melded together. And their history is my history.

I remember so many wonderful family events, especially after we all moved back to Tucson where my grandparents had moved. Holidays meant family. Lots of food, love and laughter. My mom and aunt were very close and my mother often would tell me how she didn't know what she'd do if Aunty Mary died. My aunt was the least healthy of the group - and yet she was the last one to go.

So many times my cousin and I would look at our family enjoying each other and wonder which of the four would pass away first. We dreaded the whole idea of any of them not being in our lives. My mom, who was the healthiest of the group, died in 1994. My aunt never really got over it and when her husband, Uncle Joey, died 4 years later, we thought she would not be around much longer. But she hung on for 12 more years. My dad died in 2007 and Aunt Mary was the last one - she just passed away a few weeks ago at the age of 88. A good friend of mine, when I told her my aunt has died, said, "Isn't it funny how they died in reverse order of what we all thought would happen."

Today I started thinking about my childhood and trying to remember something, and I suddenly had a very cold feeling inside realizing that there was no one left to ask! They're all gone.

Gone are the huge family dinners with more food than any human can eat. Gone is my grandfather's silly dancing trying to make us kids laugh. Gone is my mom and aunt talking and laughing. Gone is my dad and my uncle constantly teasing each other and pretending to be fighting. Gone are all the stories of the "old neighborhood" which we kids were bored with and which I would give anything to hear again. Gone are the family events at the drive-in theater, the park, Old Tucson, Sabino Canyon. Gone is the whole family sitting around my grandmother's table playing poker for pennies.

When that song came on tonight, it all came back. I'm not sure why, but maybe it's because I was talking with my cousin this afternoon about his mom's memorial and we were telling stories we remembered from our childhood. My family was always my strength and I never felt more loved or secure than when we were all together. How I miss that.

Today our holidays are still filled with food, love and laughter. Ed and I have wonderful kids and grandkids. I hope we're helping them build special memories that they will carry with them forever and pass on to their kids.

And, I guess, if someday they shed a tear or two missing us and our family times together, that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Back to Italy !!

On Monday Ed and I head out on the first leg of another trip to Italy (and France). This one is going to be very different from other trips and very special. We get to meet family!

Several years ago, a distant cousin named Jean-Claude contacted my dad and his sister, Marylou, and told them he was their cousin. He lives in the south of France and has spent a lot of time researching family history and tracking down family members. I still remember my dad calling me to tell me about the letter he received from France. He was in tears while he was telling me. Apparently, my grandfather's family (my dad's and Marylou's grandparents) left their village of Pizzone, Italy in the late 1800's and migrated to Avignon, France. This was during a time when a lot of Italians were leaving for France, Brazil, U.S., and other countries to escape poverty and famine. My grandfather was born in Orogon, France, but went back to Italy as a young man when he entered the Italian army.

In fact, he went back to Pizzone where he met and married my grandmother. Then they all came to the U.S. in the early 1900's. Amazing that they were in their late 20's in this photo!

But a large portion of Grandpa's family stayed in France and those are the descendants we will meet. Grandpa died when in his early 50's (I was only 4 years old) so wasn't yet at the age to tell stories about "the old days". Plus my dad was at the age where he probably wouldn't have been interested.

But Jean-Claude told much of this story to dad in that first letter. Later he sent my dad some postcards that Grandpa had sent to the family as a young man in the army. They were all in Italian, but dad recognized Grandpa's handwriting and more tears flowed. Jean-Claude continued to send dad and Marylou photos, stories, family tree diagrams, etc. After my dad died in late 2007, I got Jean-Claude's e-mail address from my aunt and wrote to him. He responded quickly and warmly and sent a few additional photos and family stories. At one point I told Ed, "Wouldn't it be cool to visit him in France and then go back to Italy?" That was pretty much all I had to say - Ed was on it! When I mentioned this to my aunt she asked if she could come with us. I mean, it was her father who was born there! So the three of us are heading out next week for the trip of a lifetime.

We'll fly in to Milan and drive to Avignon where we'll spend four days touring the area with Jean-Claude. And seeing the house where Grandpa was born. Also, we will visit Aunt Maria who turned 100 years old in February. She actually remembers my grandfather - called him little Pasquilino. She was a young girl when he was a teenager!

After those four days we'll drive into Italy and spend 5 days in Tuscany (I know, it's quite a sacrifice!). Then the last two days we're going to spend in Pizzone exploring the village, checking out the cemetery and church records, taking in all we can.

Then we head home with tons of photos and hopefully some really good stories. As I said, the trip of a lifetime.

Like taking a shower

My blog friend, ba, did a post on events of the past 10 years and I am going to shamelessly copy her idea! It's amazing how fast time goes the older you get. As my son once said, "When you're 10, a year is a 10th of your life and seems like a long time. By the time a person is your age, Mom, a year is like taking a shower!!" Yes, he's a brat.

I'm going to start this decade with 1999 because it was a special year.

1999

• Biggest event of this year occured on October 5th when I met Ed. At a Starbucks after initially meeting on Match.com. Had no idea while drinking that cup of coffee how my life was about to change!
• Y2K - bought the water and batteries and first aid kit. What a bust!

2000

• Jenni and Jeff bought their house
  
• Ed takes me on my first trip to Hawaii
  
• My dad came to visit in June on his birthday and we took him to an Oakland A's game. Wished him Happy Birthday on the marquee and he loved it
• Moved from Sunnyvale to Newark and in with Ed in July
• Ed and I had our first Christmas with the blended family. Only two grandsons on Ed's side (from his middle son, Michael) at this time.

2001

• Ed's youngest son, Marc, has his first little boy, Cameron
  
• Although we didn't know her yet, Vika was born in Russia
  
• Jenni and Jeff get engaged
• Ed and I get engaged
• We discovered that the world is nothing like it was in the movie 2001!

2002

• The year of the weddings - Jenni and Jeff, me and Ed
• When Jenni and Jeff get married, we gain a granddaughter - Ali
• My dad turns 80 and we have a big party for him in Chicago
• Although we didn't know him, Eamon was born in Russia
• Had surprise 50th anniversary party for Ed's parents
• Took Ed's grandsons, Damian and Ethan, on their first visit to Disneyland
  

2003

• Marc's second son, Shane, was born
• Two of our sons - Marc and Joe - buy their first homes
• My dad moves back to Chicago beginning our quarterly visits to see him
• Reconnect with my best friend from the past, Babette!
  

2004

• Jenni and Jeff begin the long process of their Russian adoption
• Ed's daughter, Wendy, met Mike who would become her husband
• My son, Joe, begins dating Angie who will become his wife
  
• Ed and I take our first trip to Italy - and a love affair was born!
  

2005

• Vika and Eamon join our family on Christmas Eve - best gift ever!
• Took 15 family members to see Lion King in San Francisco
  

2006

• Wendy and Michael get married - we inherit another granddaughter, Cachet
• Second trip to Italy
• Sandi turns 60!!
  

2007

• The year of losing parents
• Ed's mom passes away in January
• My father passes away in October
• Joe and Angie get married in May. Add two more grandsons to the family - McKayle and Spencer
• Ed turns 60!!
• My kids join us for a few days in Tucson where we all take a "walk down memory lane"
  

2008

• Ed's father passes away in January. We're both now officially orphans
• I retired from Stanford Hospital after 20 years. Yippee!!!
  
• Another trip to Italy, plus Austria and a day in London
• After another trip to Tucson, Ed and I decide we could easily retire there
  
• Trip to New York City to see it "done up" for Christmas
  

2009

• The year of babies
• My brother, Tony, and his wife, Nicki, have their fourth child in January- a little boy named Alex
• Joe and Angie have a little boy two weeks later - Tyson
• Wendy and Mike have twins in August - we're now up to 13 grandkids
• Ed and I go to Portugal where his family is from

2010

• ??
  

My Babushka Tote

I love the Internet - actually all things high tech. But mainly the Internet. In addition to having more information than I could ever want or need, it has given me an avenue of communication that has totally enriched my life.

Like my cousin, Cookie. I did a blog post about her in 2008. She and I spent a lot of time together when we were growing up, then lost touch and only saw each other occasionally at family funerals. Not as morbid as it sounds - they always say Italian funerals are like Italian weddings but with one less person. Then last year we reconnected - first by phone and primarily via my blog, Facebook, and email. It's become a relationship that I cherish and would probably not have were it not for the Internet (I'm not much of a phone person and haven't hand-written a letter since the invention of the keyboard!).

Yesterday, I received the coolest gift from Cookie. Apparently she got a new embroidery machine and thought of me because she wanted to try a non-traditional name. First of all I LOVE any kind of tote bag. Second, it's personalized!! Here's the result.


How cool is that? Thanks, Cookie! A very special gift that I will use for a long time. Love you, Cousin.

The "Old" People

Earlier this week my good friend in Tucson wrote on her Facebook Status, "I Miss My Old People!!" I knew what she was talking about - her mother passed away in the Summer of 2008, and her stepfather died a month or so ago.

My hairdresser just lost her mother a month ago after a long illness. And over the past week there has been a man walking by our office who looks a lot like Ed's dad. All of these events brought so much back to me.

My mom died over 14 years ago, and between Jan 2007 and Jan 2008 Ed and I lost my father and both of his parents. All of our "old people" are gone, too. My dad was in a nursing home for over 2 years before he died, and Ed's parents both spent eight weeks in the hospital or nursing homes at the end of their lives. For two years our lives consisted of a series of hospital visits, flights to Chicago, nursing home visits, dealing with mounds of paperwork, knots in the stomach every time the phone rang. It was emotionally and physically draining - and I miss it!

I miss having them around. I miss their stories that they told over and over again. I miss being able to take my dad out of the nursing home and to a restaurant for oysters, white wine, and Caesar Salad. And driving him to downtown Chicago so he could see the buildings and the lights. He so loved Chicago. And Scrabble - up to the end it was hard to beat the guy at Scrabble.

I miss having Ed's dad over a couple of times a week for dinner and watching him enjoy our grandkids. And hearing his great phrases like "tall hog at the trough" and "knee deep in high cotton". And his laugh - boy could that man laugh. Mostly it was silent, you would just see his face light up and his belly jiggle.

I miss Ed's mom with her bright red hair and the perpetual kleenex in her hand. And her bright lipstick. I miss her yelling across the room, "Where's Clyde?" anytime her husband dared to stray out of her sight. I miss seeing her in that recliner where she sat for every holiday and dinner at our house. 90% of the photos we have of her are in that recliner!

I miss my mother's laugh and the way she always said, "Hi, Sweetheart!" when I would call her on the phone, and I could hear a smile in her voice. And how we called each other almost daily just to chat - often about nothing in particular. And how she was able to center me with just a few words. She was my best friend so I lost two people when she died.

I even miss all we had to do at the end of their lives because it gave us a chance to give back to them some of what they had given to us. To take care of them. My dad once said to me, "I hate that you have to do all of this for me." I said, "Dad, you took care of me for 20 years, let me enjoy the chance to pay you back a bit."

After all of our "old people" were gone, I made a separate collage for each of them and have them hanging in our hallway. I smile every time I look at them - and I tear up.

Now Ed and I are the "old people" ! I'm not sure I like that much.

My life as a grandmother

Yesterday my daughter, Jenni, and I were talking about parents, kids, grandparents, etc. She said that some people see grandkids primarily as their "legacy" - carrying on the blood line. I hadn't thought about that much before but I realized in talking with her that, first of all, my "legacy" has nothing to do with blood line. It's more the memories I leave for my kids and my family. The laughter, the tears, the love, the photos, maybe even my bentwood rocker. That is MY legacy.

As for being a grandmother - there are two very special parts for me and neither of them have anything to do with genetics or dna.

The first is the joy and fun of watching your own child be a parent. Watching them go through all the stages from fear and confusion to laughter, joy, and that tug at the heart that only a parent knows. It's hearing my daughter complain about her daughter's messy bedroom and smiling at my own memory. It's having my son, who is in the midst of teen angst with his stepson, ask me if he was ever bored as a teenager! Or asking me if he cried a lot when he was a baby (oh, no, he was perfect.....) It's telling their kids stories about their parents when they were little and hearing the loud laughter that always invokes. It's being there when one of your kids calls for advice, to vent, or for comfort during one of those many frightening moments parents have.

It's watching their parenting style (which is always different for each generation) - hearing some things and thinking "dang, I wish I had thought of that when you were little". And hearing other things that make you silently think, "boy, I don't know about that one." And trying desperately to keep your opinions to yourself. Much like my own mother did when I was raising my kids. Miraculously, with a loving family, most kids turn out just fine regardless of parenting method. It's being a parent to a parent.

The second part if being able to re-live some of those early parenting years when I was fearful, confused, overwhelmed. In raising our own children, we're often torn so many different ways that those days slip by too quickly and we aren't always able to fully appreciate the wonder of it all. With my grandkids, I have the opportunity to have a "do-over". In fact, I put a quote on this blog that states "A grandmother is a mother who has a second chance."

Once again I can feel those sweaty little hands in mine as we cross the street. Watch ice cream run down their arms - only this time without freaking out about the mess. Go see a Disney movie and spend more time watching the kids faces than the movie itself. Listen to a Eamon's recap of a movie or tv show and watch his eyes light up. Help with homework. Watch Vika drag the stool across the kitchen so she can help me cook or bake. Have them actually WANT to help set the table or clean up. Kiss them goodnight and cover them when they sleep over.

Set up a separate table for our four grandkids in the 6-8 age range and watch them talk and laugh and play games. Watch the older boys slip into those teen years with goofy hair, strange clothes, and trying to cautiously straddle that line between child and adult.

Watch Tyson learn to crawl and sit up and walk and talk. Feed Tyson baby food (I always loved feeding my kids). Going to school shows. Picking up Vika and Eamon at school on Fridays and hearing them rattle on about their day and their friends. Having them run up to me with open arms for a hug or an "up please". Having Tyson fall asleep in my arms. Sticky hands on my face and hearing a little voice saying, "I love you."

So many wonderful things. I've been amazed at the depth of my feelings for my grandchildren. I always knew it would be nice to have them. I didn't know I would end up loving them almost as much as my own kids. That the familiar "tug at the heart" would now apply to them, as well. Every other grandmother I talk to expresses the same surprise at the incredible emotional ties they have to their grandkids. Ed and I have 11 grandkids between us with two more due to arrive in the next couple of weeks.

Grandkids are our gifts for raising our own children.

The original Little Rascals

Over the past year or so I've bee lucky enough to re-connect with dear cousin, Marie (who we always lovingly called "Cookie"), via phone calls, e-mail, Facebook, and my blog. We spent a lot of time together growing up but then, as adults, our paths rarely crossed. I did a post about her last year.

Cookie Marie has been sending me copies of some old photos - some of which I've not seen before. This is one she sent me a couple of weeks ago. I actually have this one - in fact I had it blown up to 8x10 and have it framed on one of my tables.

Yessir, this is my family. This picture was probably taken around 1926 in the Italian neighborhood in Chicago where all our family lived. The cast of characters is (from left) Uncle Johnny, my mom, my Aunt Mary, Aunt Lucy, and Aunt Phyllis (who was called Auntie Fannie). Johnny, Lucy, and Fannie were aunts and uncle to my mother and her sister.

My great-grandmother had 16 kids which included 3 sets of twins. My grandmother was the third one born and she was married at 16. Had my Aunt Mary when she was 17 and my mother when she was 18. My great-grandmother was still "producing" at that time so my mom had several aunts and uncles who were close to her in age. In fact, Uncle Johnny was the same age or a year younger.

They all grew up together and, as you can see, were very fashion conscious. I'm sure they didn't have much, but my mother always told me they never knew they were poor. They just enjoyed having a big family and being together. Eventually everyone in this photo migrated out west - most of them stayed in Arizona, Uncle Johnny kept going until he reached California. Now, the only one left is my Aunt Mary. Both Aunt Lucy and Aunt Fannie died last year. Uncle Johnny and my mother several years ago.

I love this photo. It's my heritage.

My Tucson Girls

I have a lot of really awesome young women in my family. My daughter, Jenni. My daughter-in-law, Angie. My stepdaughter, Wendy. My sister-in-law, Nicki.

And in Tucson I have three more wonderful young women named Kelly, Lori-Jo, and Traci. These are my stepdaughters from my first marriage and they hold a special place in my heart. I did a post about them awhile back. On our trip to Tucson last week I was able to spend time with two of them - Kelly and Traci - along with their husbands and some of their children. Lori-Jo lives a couple of hours away and wasn't able to join us. But we talked about her so she was there in spirit!!

It's so strange to see them have grown up kids when, in my mind, they are still teenagers themselves! In fact, Traci has a 21-year old son who is soon to be a firefighter in Tucson and is now engaged! In the photo below we have Andy, his fiance Allison, and Kelly's daughters Amy and Anna-Kay. Oh, and that's Ed in the background cleaning up the kitchen!

The place Ed and I stayed had a nice living room and kitchen so I got a couple of take-out family packs at the local chicken place (Pollo Feliz), they brought the desert and beer, and we had a really great time. Lots of talking, laughing. Even though they're not Italian, they have learned the fine art of talking over each other, but somehow knowing exactly what everyone was saying! It's a gift.

The husbands huddled by the unlit fireplace talking about guy things (I guess) or just trying to stay away from the gaggle of yakking going on at our table!

The girls have obviously done a wonderful job raising their kids and have close relationships with them. There are six cousins between the three girls and they are all close to each other and to their parents, aunts and uncles.

So, another definite benefit of our plans to have a second home in Tucson and spend more time there will be to be able to see the girls and their families more. And to be around when they all become mothers-in-law and grandmothers. Although, Kelly told me to bite my tongue on that last comment..... But it will happen and I want to be a part of it.

Love you guys! So lucky to have you in my family.

Happy Mother's Day

To all the mother's in my life:

First, to my mom. She's been gone for 15 years, but I still miss her. She was a warm, loving woman with a great sense of humor. We kids were her whole life.

To my daughter who has become an amazing young woman and a wonderful mother to her own children. I see her in them - her humor, her kindness, her intelligence, and, yes, her quirkiness. It's such a joy to see your daughter become a mother.

To my daughter-in-law, Angie, who changed my son's life when she had Tyson. Seeing my son become a dad has been such fun. And it's wonderful seeing Angie be a mom to her two older sons, and to the newest baby in our family.

To my sister-in-law, Nicki, who has filled her and my brother's home with four really great kids. She's given my brother the kind of family life he missed out on as a child since my parents were divorced when he was very young, and I was already married. And she manages all those kids with an amazing calm.

To my mother-in-law who is also no longer with us, but who I enjoyed having in my life for those few short years. After all, she gave me Ed!

To my step-daughter-in-law, Brandi, and her two boys. With all the trials and tribulations that having two boys close in age can bring! By the way, this photo was at a wedding. They don't always dress this way! But it's such a great photo.

And to my step-daughter, Wendy, who is two thirds of the way through her first pregnancy. And it's twins! A boy and a girl. What adventures she has in store for her.

And, last, but not least, to ME!!! Here's to 35 1/2 years of laughter, tears, sticky hands, late night calls, cuddling, loving, fighting, and always being there for each other. I have the greatest kids and we've remained close through some rather trying times in our lives. I love them more than I can say and being their mother is an honor.

Uncle Joey from Chicago

I'm Italian. One rule in an Italian family is that there needs to be a plethora of men named Joe. And our family was no exception. Before my first husband and son came along (both also Joe's), I had two uncles - Uncle Joey, and Uncle Joey from Chicago. No, truly, that was what we all called him. UJFC was a brother of my maternal grandmother. One of 16 children that my great-grandmother had. And, since Uncle Joey lived in Tucson, it made it easy to rename the older man as Uncle Joey from Chicago!

UJFC would visit Tucson often since his mother and a couple of sisters lived there. I remember he had these great blue eyes and was always so much fun to be around. Here he is in the token Tucson photo (see previous post and this one). Notice the saucy tilt of the cowboy hat. He was a dapper one, my UJFC.

And he was short. Italian men from that generation were all short. When I reached my full adult height of 5' 2", I was not only the tallest woman in my family at that time, but I also saw eye-to-eye with most of the men! I remember one scene at an airport. I was married to my kids' father at the time and UJFC was arriving for a visit. This was back in the day when we could actually go to the gate to wait for our loved ones to get off the plane. And the whole family was there. Must've been 20 people there including my great-grandmother (UJFC's mom) wearing the traditional Italian grandmother apron and knee-high nylons.

I went to the bathroom and when I returned, I saw the whole family standing together and my ex was in the middle. Now, Joe isn't exactly tall - probably 5'7" on a good day. But that day there he was head held high above the whole crowd. In fact, his was the only head you could actually see! The rest of the group came to his chin. He said he never saw the top of so many adult heads at one time.

Uncle Joey from Chicago played the piano. Really well. Ragtime piano - my favorite. Another treasured memory of him was the day the whole family took a drive to the top of Mt. Lemmon to escape the summer heat. There was a ski lodge at the top which was open year round. So we all went inside and very soon it started raining. Thunder, lightening - the whole thing. It was wonderful. We ordered hot chocolate all around and some snacks. Over in the corner was an old piano. UJFC asked if he could play and they said yes. So he started hammering out great ragtime music. We kids all got up and started dancing. It was such a great day - raining outside, warm and cozy inside with lots of love and laughing and music.

A final memory was at my aunt's house. Now, most Italians have pretty clean houses, but my aunt takes cleaning to a new level. A spot on anything can make her apopletic. And don't even talk about fingerprints on the sliding glass door or a spill on the kitchen floor. She didn't have any live plants in her house because they needed dirt to survive! And no newspapers, that dang print ink comes off on hands and stuff. I'm talking REALLY clean house! So, imagine her horror the day UJFC was there for dinner. We had pasta (although to us it was "macaroni" no matter what shape or form) and Italian bread.

As a side note - when I was growing up there were two kinds of bread - Italian and American. It wasn't until I was an adult and asked someone if they wanted American bread and they said "what the hell is American bread?" that I found out Wonder Bread was simply call "bread"! But, to us, the fact that is was already sliced and came in a special wrapper made it American bread.

Back to UJFC. We were all eating and talking. Dinner was over and the women cleared the table (don't get me started on that one). The rest of us continued talking and UJFC was also gathering bread crumbs as he talked. He was moving all the crumbs close to him into a nice, neat little pile, leaving the table very clean in those spots. Suddenly, with a bit of flourish (see reference to saucy cowboy hat) UJFC put his hand next to the pile of crumbs and proceeded to brush them all off the table and onto the floor! My aunt's floor!! Then he brushed his hands to rid them of any extra crumbs and went on with his story. There was a moment of dead silence in the house - had he really dared to do this? Did he even realize what he had done - the mortal sin he had committed?? But my aunt was still in the kitchen and non the wiser. And of course, no one was going to tell her.

So we just kept eating and talking. It's what we do.

La Famiglia

Had a nice visit with family in Chicago last weekend. It was a quick trip - Friday afternoon through Monday morning - but it gave us a chance to meet our newest nephew, Alex. He is so adorable, smiling most of the time and he has this cute little spit-up trick that he does regularly! Apparently the other three kids my brother has never spit up so this is new for them. But he's so friggin' cute that it's easy to excuse this little social faux pas.


Our trip started out very early on Friday morning. We got to the Oakland airport around 6am and, after checking our luggage, decided to have breakfast. As I was trying to pay for my food (which, by the way, was ridiculously expensive) the girl in front of me had an order that came to $16.02. She handed the man at the register a $20 and then found 2 cents and tried to give that to him to avoid getting a bunch of change. He became totally flustered and said he couldn't do that. The cashier next to him said, "Yes, you can." Five minutes later he figured it out and the customer was on her way. When my order rang up to $23.04, I decided to take the change so I wouldn't miss the plane!

Sitting next to us were two men. It was a table for four but they were both sitting on the same side so they could watch the tv on the wall. They were the same build and coloring. Both had graying mustaches, both had the same style glasses. When they chewed, they chewed the same way! They had to be twins. So I asked them, "Are you two brothers or twins?" They started laughing and said that, no, they weren't even related. But they worked in the same place (apparently they were at a business meeting) and got that all the time. I have never seen two people look so much alike and not be related. I think they really were twins and just did this to throw people off.

When we arrived in Chicago, we went to the baggage carousel. Remember the old days when everyone had black suitcases and they would have that dummy suitcase on the top of the carousel with a note to carefully check your luggage because many look alike?? Well, no more. As they began offloading our flight, the first 15 suitcases were red!! (mine was one of them...) Then the chain was broken by a purple paisley number. But it was quite strange.

Our plans for the weekend initially included going to some games my nieces and nephew had. However, it mostly rained, with thunder and lightening, so the outside games were cancelled. I did get to watch my youngest niece, Mackenzie, practice her ice skating and model her costume. No, the crocs aren't part of it.

We also had two great family dinners with lots of food, talking and laughing. In fact, I always feel a bit sorry for the non-Italian people at our table. Often they just sit there with this glazed over look wondering how we could all be talking at the same time and still pay attention to each other!! It's an Italian gift - what can I say.

The last night there we were at my aunt's house going over old photos and stories about my grandparents. There is a cousin of ours who lives in the south of France who made contact with my dad and aunt a few years back. He sent wonderful photos and postcards that my grandfather had written in the late 1800's and early 1900's. Yesterday I e-mailed this cousin to introduce myself. He wrote back quickly and offered to help me trace my ancestry on my grandfather's side. He and his family still live in the south of France (apparently a lot of the family migrated there from Italy during a war at the turn of the last century). And he said that there are still houses, churches, and other buildings with connections to my grandfather.

I just called Ed and told him that our next European trip was SO going to be the south of France!

Grandkids

Thought I'd share some recent photos of my grandkids. They're all so darn cute. First, the youngest one - Tyson. He'll be three months old next week, is very cute, has Albert Einstein hair (hence, the hat), and a great set of lungs! These were taken at Easter.

My stepdaughter is pregnant with twins and she had a glazed look in her eyes watching Tyson's energy! Being a mother of twins myself, I know only too well what adventures she has in store.

Then there's Eamon - our 6-year old grandson. He is a total Star Wars junkie - I know ba can relate. One afternoon he was at our house and as he was leaving, he noticed a bunch of Star Wars toys in the garage that frankly I forgot we had. They belonged to Ed's boys when they were little and now just sit on the shelf. But Eamon's eyes lit up. I told him he could play with them the next time he came over. He said, "That's Friday, right?!? Only three more days, right?!?" On Friday I picked him and Vika up from school and the first thing he said to me was, "I'm going to play with the Star Wars toys!" Not so much as Hi, how the heck are you. Nope, just the toys. He babbled about them all the way home and could not wait to get out of the car. As soon as we got home he started pulling them off the shelf and taking them into the house. As many as he could carry at once. I eventually helped him, but had to take the photo first.

Then there's Vika. Her class ends about 20 minutes before Eamon's so she usually plays for awhile while we wait for his bell to ring. A couple of weeks ago I found Vika and a friend playing a game where they did a little hand-jive thing, then stood up and had a staring contest. I swear, they stood like that for 5 minutes! Very strange game.

MacKayle is definitely our tallest grandson. He's 14 and came over on Easter with his equally tall friend, Brandon. We wanted to have all the kids do the Easter Egg Hunt together. So, to make it an even playing field, my son came up with the idea of tying Mac and Brandon together with an ankle bungee cord. Now, normally boys at this age are way too cool to be involved with something so childish. Not these two. They were great sports about it and, even though they did wind up with a bruise or two from the cord, did the whole hunt tied together. The little kids loved it.

Between us, Ed and I now have 11 grandkids, with two more on the way. Plus my brother and his wife just had their fourth and my nephew and his wife are expecting any day now. I love our growing family.