I'm so much cooler online.....

That's a new song by Brad Paisley about meeting people on the Internet. It's pretty funny - in a sad sort of way. I've mentioned before that I met my husband, Ed, online at Match.com. The phrase “kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince” comes to mind (without the kissing in most cases). It's an interesting experience and, if nothing else, leaves you with some good stories.

Meeting someone through these services feels safe because the person on the other end doesn’t have any personal information on you, including e-mail, unless you specifically give it to them. You can meet in public places during the day, and there is usually an easy exit from the "FFC's" (last two words are Fat Chance) because everyone knows the game.

So, the routine is something like this. You can either browse through the profiles based on specific criteria (locale, age, sex, height, weight, smoker or non-smoker, religious affiliation, kids, etc.) and send an e-mail to someone you find interesting. Or you could wait around for someone to land on your profile and e-mail you. I always did the “hunting” myself because a) I didn’t have the patience to wait, and b) the guys who e-mailed me first never appealed to me.

There is the trap of going back and forth with someone via e-mail for too long. If you do that, you get a false picture of who they are and can also build a relationship electronically which rarely transfers to real life. So I learned that one or two e-mails and then we meet (or not).

Things to look out for in the profiles:

I love walks on the beach in the rain and sitting by a fireplace. – No, they don’t! But they think all women want this so they make it their tag line. What they really prefer is Bruce Willis action movies and a beer. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

I have a terrific sense of humor. – Again, no they don’t. Without exception, if a guy mentioned that in his profile, he had basically NO sense of humor – he just thought he was funny.

I have a very sexy way about me and a very sensual walk. Oh, good grief. I never met this guy but he sounded a bit over the top. There was even one man who said “I will spoil you for other men!”

I’m a tanned and classy man who is looking for a tanned and classy lady to make a striking classy couple. My ideal woman will have short, dark, curly hair, long shapely legs, be intelligent with an outstanding sense of humor. – I’ll never forget this one– his name was Larry. He actually e-mailed me once and said he thought we’d make a good match! So I wrote back and said, “Actually, I’m short with dumpy legs, have blonde dingy hair, and – in an attempt to avoid early wrinkles and skin cancer – don’t get tanned. Plus I’m not too bright and quite lacking in humor. But if you think we’d still be a match, please write back!” No more Larry.

I’m married but would like to have some fun on the side – if you’re interested please send me a photo. – Do I really need to tell you why to be careful with this one?!?!?

Next chapter – the meeting.